ULTIMATE /co/NIVERSE: What if?

Spoiler:

Valencruz...ia smiled down the dimly light night sky of Eagleopolis, contemplating the best way to go to claim this city as her own.

"Ufufufufu...now...what should I do first?" Valencruzia was sporting some kind of weird leather S&M thing as all female vampires seem to do, having been mostly influenced by works such as Vampirella and Bloodrayne, god knows why, she was also sitting in some kind of stupid ass chair with skulls on it drinking a wine glass that was *GASP* filled with BLOOD instead of wine! Least she kept the blonde mohawk.

The rioting and burning streets of Eagle cried out to her like a...rioting and burning Eagle. It told her, "Yes! Dominate all of pleasantly humans! Be our one true Queen!" Geez, this really gets a completely different tone than usual, whatever, it's not extremely downright ridiculous like prancing around catgirls yet so overall..

"And then once the city is mine....I WILL KISS ALL THE PRETTY BOYS, UFUFUFUFUFU~"

Valencruzia "fufufu"'d into the night as she turned into a bat and began her (probably very short) adventure.

Accident Girl, after thoroughly exploring her new female self, decided it was time to introduce herself to the city. A good time to go out on the town and live the high life, maybe even fight some criminal scum! Too bad the buses didn't run this late, so she had to walk.

Turning to see the motorcycle, Accident Girl flinched just in time to be hit at top speed, and flung into the air against a building. Truly, it was a sight to behold. And so began the brutal death cycles of Accident Girl.

Signal was sitting on top of his car. The car had been moved from the streets to a roof in order to keep it away from looters. That, and he needed to check the engine later or something since apparently lots of men liked working with cars and Signal (Luke Lagrunge) wanted to make sure his car didn't die on him in the middle of the road. Why was he here again...?

Right, right, mostly traveling around, stopping here for a break, and then suddenly RIOTS. Terrible, terrible luck.

Stretching his legs, Signal took off on a runner's start and jumped off the building where his car sat and soon took off flying. Maybe there was a way to stop some of the looters and protect the innocent? Sounds like a good idea.

And then he sees a young girl die by hit and run. Signal swoops down to the motorcycle and the person owning it, shouting, "You do realize that now I have to take you in for murder, right?"

Accident Girl awoke, dazed and confused, in an alley nearby the area of the hit and run. "God damn it," she said. "I always have worse judgement after I die..."

Signal stops in her flying tracks and backs up. Seeing that the chick on the motorcycle was lauching herself at him, he swiftly grabbed the girl with his telekinesis and stopped him in mid-air, hoping to then keep him on the ground and tele-bind him (more or less meaning not letting go of her).

"You think you're so clever!" he says.

"Fufufufuf, now what have we here?" Valencruzia put a hand on AG's shoulder and spun her around, then put another on-

Okay, really. I know vampires lean into lesbian undertones a lot but come on...

AND PUT HER OTHER HAND ON HER CHEEK, THEN BAM, GLOWING RED BLUE EYES, CAUSE IS THIS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, TO HYPNO-BRAIN WASH AG

"Now come closer...and I'll show you PLEASURES of the night, ufufufufufu~" Oh my god, really? I'm pretty sure Vamprella wasn't THIS corny.

Whatever, then she tried to bite her neck. SENSUALLY.

Accident Girl, lured in by the lesbian undertones, suddenly realized how rapey this was, and screamed just before being bitten. "HELP!" She wailed, "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO A CANNIBAL LESBIAN!"

Sugar Daddy admired his rockin abs as he chugged a vanilla milkshake, getting it all over his hella fine body. He was powerful, handsome, and had so many friends he could hardly keep track of them.

The toffee abs were getting kind of uncomfortable though. Sugar Lad let his candy costume fall off revealing that he was in fact a scrawny, degenerate nobody. Fuck.

He gathered a large amount of sugar together and spun it into a gigantic and jolly looking marshmallow woman that looked more like a drag queen than a female. Hopping on its head, he decided to go for a ride and teach this city why they should love him.
The Marshmallow Woman pulled a lollipop out from her sizable chest and began hitting buildings with it.

"Shhh..." Valencruzia said, then put her index finger up to AG's lips.
"This will only take a moment....ufufufufu~" Then she brought the young girl closer and closer and closer...
Her fangs gleaming in the night, her eyes glowing an obviously VERY intimidating blue (because red is for men, duh) and...bam.

She lightly bit down on her neck and started to lick the blood up from the pathetically small cut, probably too afraid to break a vampire nail or something.

Wh... was she trying to be tsundere towards him? Signal only had one proper response for this: "It sure seemed like it, what with you launching yourself at me and all, but..."

And then he sensed the thoughts of the girl that died. She came back? But... how?

With the girl still in his grasp, Signal floated towards the source of the thoughts, promptly finding someone else there drinking the lass's blood.

He wanted to react, but... this was pretty hot.

And in his flustering, Signal lost grip of the motorcycle gal.

Accident Girl cried into the night. "NOW I'LL NEVER BE PUUUURE!" She screamed, punching the vampire whore in the face. "YOU SOILED ME FOREVER!" Accident Girl proceeded to run from the scene, crying and bleeding.

"Ufufufufu..." Man she does that WAY more than the normal Val, apparently pleased turned to face with the greasy guy now standing before her.

"What's this?" She asked, some blood dripping down her lips and her eyes still glowing blue. No I don't have ANY idea what blue eyes do.

"Another lost sheep looking for the herd? Do you want to join in my eternal night?" She hissed, and slowly walked up to DudeSig.

Sugar Lad continued to smash things, pissed off that he was not his sexy pretend alter-ego, Suagar Daddy. The papers had given him his shitty unbadass name. It had nothing to do with being a pink haired little twink. It was the papers!! They would pay! He directed drag-queen marshmallow golem to the HQ of the city's largest newspaper and began to smash, proving his masculinity by being the death of print media.

"Lost night? Lady, I don't think I like what you're implying." Oh but he did. He was just too beta shy to admit it.

"Though I would properly answer that after I deal with that motorcycle chick." And once he's do–

*ding*

Oh goddamnit.

Valencruzia, having successfully resisted the urge to start this post with "Ufufufu" ufufufu'd in front of Sig before turning her attention the giant marshmallow drag queen and was just utterly offended. That was easily last season's dress.

Never one to let petty reasons stop her from doing stuff, she turned into a very SEXY bat and flew towards the boy on top of the marshmallow thing, leaving SIgnal to the biker girl.

The dazed and crying Accident Girl started to wander into the city, wondering if she could carve out a living as a prostitute... Only to get stuck, in some kind of giant sticky marshmallow monster. "HEY YOU UP THERE!" She cried to the boy above her. "LET ME OUT OF HERE AND I MIGHT LET YOU HELP ME GET A HEAD START ON MY NEW PROSTITUTE CAREER!"

"Ufufufu" Smugly laughed bat-cruzia, who then reformed herself before Sugar Lad, however, not before reading the edited poll topic and...

"MARIIIIAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" She dropped to her knees and, with great VAMPIRE strength, ripped her shirt off in a hot-blooded latin fit of despair.

Trying to stay focused, Signal began to attempt that thing she saw in the movies once: as soon as the chick was close enough, he bent down, let his feet rise, and telekinetically attach himself to the girl. "Not gonna waste my effort catching you this time. Just gonna... calmly redirect you."